never make someone your priority, when they see you as an option.

i have decided that it's time to take care of myself and only myself. i've spent way too long allowing my happiness to be dependent on people, a few in particular, who it's not important to and it's come to my attention a lot recently that by doing so, i'm setting myself up for disappointment. the only person who gets to make me feel anything from this day forward is me. i have made it too far and endured too much to allow anyone to make me feel this small and it ends now. i refuse to keep someone in my life who damages my self-esteem this much. i was taught when i was little that you treat people the way that you want to be treated, but i guess it was my understanding that the point was for them to return the favor. i've been putting the wrong people on pedestals while they treat me like gum stuck to the bottom of their shoes. not for a second will i claim to be a perfect person, because no one is, but i've worked really hard to pull myself up from who i used to be and what used to hold me back and there is no point in surrounding myself with those who refuse to allow me to rise above my past. while my experiences may have had some negative impact on me for a while, they shaped me and made me a better, stronger person because of it, and i wouldn't take any of it back, even the worst ones. i've pulled myself up from a really bad place and somebody someday is going to respect me for that, not hold against me the mistakes that i made on the way up. i have a lot of flaws, but i love with all that i am, and i shouldn't feel stupid or guilty for that. the way i see it, everyone has a story, one that you can't judge them for if you haven't walked in their shoes, and no one has the right to judge you or treat you differently for the impact that your past has made on you. you are who you are and no one can hold that against you. i apologize if what happened to me in the past wasn't exactly convenient for you, but trust me, it wasn't great for me either. a lot of people who don't even know my whole story are able to look past my flaws and see the good in me and it's time to surround myself with more people like that. i am capable of making someone very happy and i deserve to be very happy. i do a lot more good than bad for this world and it would be nice to have that acknowledged every once in a while. i hope one day you can realize that people who care like i do are hard to come by. 

good things come to those who wait...

i am impatient. i will always be the first one to admit this. i am incapable of waiting for anything to happen in it's own time and feel that everything needs to be done right now. but lately, i've come to realize that letting things happen naturally feels great. as a firm believer in fate, it feels wonderful to encounter a situation and know that this is what the universe wanted to happen. it has come to my attention that the world got along just fine for hundreds of millions of years before i was even a thought, and will continue to do so millions of years after i'm gone (unless this whole 2012 thing is legit) so i am happy to report that the days of me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off are long gone. spending all my free time planning out every minute detail of the next 10 years of my life, right down to what color shutters i want on my first home, is a waste because life is full of surprises, and nothing works out precisely the way we plan it to. so rather than constantly be upset with the universe throwing off my plans for my abbey dream house, i'm ready to just roll with it, take things as they come, and appreciate what happens without asking why.
                                                                                                                  a.
"control is never achieved when sought after directly. it is the surprising outcome of letting go"
                                                                                                                 -James Arthur Ray

you can't move forward without taking that first step.

disclaimer: i do not believe in capital letters, so if proper capitalization is a pet peeve of yours, you may want to leave.

i'm probably a bit behind on this whole blogging train, considering it's 2012, but my brain woke me up in the middle of the night and told me that this was the logical next step for me; that this was exactly what i needed. a place to organize my thoughts about what i see, experience, feel, and just simply need to say out loud (or type rather...) without having to worry about pouring my soul out to someone who doesn't really care. the way i see it, the fact that you're reading this right now, if anyone actually is, means you give half a shit. and it also gives me a chance to fufill my lifelong goal of being carrie bradshaw, now i just need the confidence, independence, and insight that girl has.

               i haven't really thought far enough into this to decide what it is that i plan to discuss on this blog, so currently my plan is just to talk. i've always considered myself someone who's great at communicating and understanding how people work, think, and feel, but lately i've started to think that i've got it all wrong. i can hear, but i can't listen and it has come to my attention like a slap in the face that those are two very different things. it takes great strength to be able to put all of your own selfish needs and desires aside and purely focus on someone else. if you are someone who is able to do this, my hats off to you, because it is not easy. 

            considering this is my first post, i'm not going to get too philosophical right off the bat, so i guess i should say a little about myself for the huge audience that i'm sure is going to read this. my name is abbey, i'm 19 , hence the title, well that combined with a belief that many life lessons can be learned from steely dan. i live in michigan, and i have a love hate relationship with it, i complain about the weather, economy, and people just as much as any other angsty teenager, but i could never leave.i just finished my freshman year of college, and amongst learning lots of general education knowledge that i will never use in my future career, it above all taught me that i have a lot of work to do on myself, so here goes nothing...

                                                                                                 a.

"do one thing every day that scares you"

                                                   -Eleanor Roosevelt