never make someone your priority, when they see you as an option.

i have decided that it's time to take care of myself and only myself. i've spent way too long allowing my happiness to be dependent on people, a few in particular, who it's not important to and it's come to my attention a lot recently that by doing so, i'm setting myself up for disappointment. the only person who gets to make me feel anything from this day forward is me. i have made it too far and endured too much to allow anyone to make me feel this small and it ends now. i refuse to keep someone in my life who damages my self-esteem this much. i was taught when i was little that you treat people the way that you want to be treated, but i guess it was my understanding that the point was for them to return the favor. i've been putting the wrong people on pedestals while they treat me like gum stuck to the bottom of their shoes. not for a second will i claim to be a perfect person, because no one is, but i've worked really hard to pull myself up from who i used to be and what used to hold me back and there is no point in surrounding myself with those who refuse to allow me to rise above my past. while my experiences may have had some negative impact on me for a while, they shaped me and made me a better, stronger person because of it, and i wouldn't take any of it back, even the worst ones. i've pulled myself up from a really bad place and somebody someday is going to respect me for that, not hold against me the mistakes that i made on the way up. i have a lot of flaws, but i love with all that i am, and i shouldn't feel stupid or guilty for that. the way i see it, everyone has a story, one that you can't judge them for if you haven't walked in their shoes, and no one has the right to judge you or treat you differently for the impact that your past has made on you. you are who you are and no one can hold that against you. i apologize if what happened to me in the past wasn't exactly convenient for you, but trust me, it wasn't great for me either. a lot of people who don't even know my whole story are able to look past my flaws and see the good in me and it's time to surround myself with more people like that. i am capable of making someone very happy and i deserve to be very happy. i do a lot more good than bad for this world and it would be nice to have that acknowledged every once in a while. i hope one day you can realize that people who care like i do are hard to come by.